


Never Enough

by AvengersNewB



Series: Incoherent Love Songs [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adoption, Alpha Tony Stark, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Infertility, Light Angst, M/M, Omega Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Superfamily (Marvel), Tooth-Rotting Fluff, mention of MPREG, no one is pregnant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 08:03:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21115445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengersNewB/pseuds/AvengersNewB
Summary: "Tony, what I'm trying to say is … I think you should have a baby even though I apparently can't have one. At least in the near future. I think...I think…" He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath." I think you should get bonded again"





	Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Orange_Coyote](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orange_Coyote/gifts).

> Because this is probably the fluffiest AU I will be writing, and I know how much you like fluff and the superfamily <3<3  
Thank you for the beta and the constant cheering. I can't do this without you.
> 
> Thank you to [somethingclever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethingclever/pseuds/somethingclever) for the title.
> 
> This work is part of Put on the Suit Discord Server Stony Hurt Comfort Bingo and is filling the square Y1, "I am not good enough for you".

As soon as he walks out of Dr. Chu’s office, Steve regrets not being here with Tony.  
His stomach feels weird and his hands are cold but sweaty. All he wants to do is lean into Tony’s touch and let his hand stroke the pain away.  
He doesn’t call him though. He doesn’t call Happy either. He has his good shoes on and he is definitely not pregnant, so he takes a look around and starts jogging through the familiar Brooklyn alleys.

***

Tony is waiting right at the elevator door and Steve walks right into him as soon as he steps out. He has asked JARVIS to tell Tony that he needs to talk to him. He might have actually told JARVIS that he needs Tony, but hopefully JARVIS has corrected the sentence in transit.

He regrets talking to JARVIS altogether. He has ran 12 miles from Brooklyn to Park Avenue and he is a sweaty flushed mess. He should have taken a shower first and changed into some clean clothes, but the heartbreaking truth is that Tony doesn't care. He knows that he can never look bad or smell bad as far as his alpha’s concerned. He probably looks just fine to attend a wedding right now. Tony loves him in his worst possible conditions and that breaks his heart even more.  
He can do this though. He has a plan.

Tony opens his arms and wraps them around Steve. He lays his head on Tony’s shoulder and nothing else matters; at least for a second.

Tony kisses his neck and presses his nose to Steve’s hair. He kisses his temple and his breath is like a cool breeze that blows over Steve’s hot body.

“Hey beautiful. What is bothering you so much?”

So Tony knows. He can see it in Steve’s eyes and he can absolutely smell anything on him. Sometimes even a hello on the phone gives Steve away; Tony picks up on the slightest notes of unhappiness in Steve’s voice.  
He always knows.

Steve hides his head in Tony’s chest.  
He is not looking forward to this conversation. Not even one single bit. He wants to stay there forever, or at least as much as he can. He doesn’t want to let go.

***

“It’s useless. Nothing is working and Dr. Chu is running out of options. It’s just useless. I am useless.”  
Steve is sitting down on the couch and is now pressing his nails into his palms. He doesn’t want to cry, he doesn’t want to look weak and he doesn’t want to make his alpha all emotional and protective. He has been thinking about this and he has a plan. So he presses his nails into his palms a little harder and does not cry.

Tony’s eyes go soft anyway.

“You are not useless, Steve. Please don’t say that.”

Steve shakes his head and watches Tony as he steps forward and kneels in front of him. He runs his fingers across Steve’s face and then comes closer and leaves a quick kiss on Steve’s nose.

“The pills are not working. Nothing seems to be wrong but again they don’t know. They don’t have a guideline for a super soldier omega, Tony. They don’t know what is the normal level of hormones for me.”

Tony stands up and towers over Steve. He holds Steve’s head on his stomach so Steve’s nose is now pressed to Tony’s shirt. Steve takes a breath and the scent of Tony fills his nose, and goes straight into his heart. He can almost feel each and every nerve that softens and calms as he breathes Tony in more and more, and for a second he forgets about what he is going to say next.

“The hormones are almost double what they were before the treatment. She expected pregnancy to happen when the hormones went only 30% higher. She can keep bumping up the dose slowly and see if she can finally trigger the fucking ovulation, but that really doesn’t sound like a good idea. I am 40 pounds heavier now and my heats are 3 times more intense than they used to be …”

Tony pulls away and looks down on Steve. His eyes are a little mischievous and he wiggles his eyebrows a couple of times.  
“Your body is perfect regardless of how much you weigh. And as the only person in the entire universe who has stakes in your heats, I declare that I love them even more if that’s possible.”

Tony smiles and his beautiful brown eyes hold Steve’s gaze. Steve almost forgets about his plan and he relaxes his clenched fists. He stands up to pull Tony in his arms, to hold him and kiss him, but right before pressing his lips to Tony’s, Steve’s eyes catch on the colorful clutching toy on the kitchen counter .

Steve freezes for a second. He knows that Tony has recently returned all the baby things they bought together months ago and seeing that one toy feels like being stabbed in the guts. The memory of the pride and joy in Tony’s face when Steve picked the toy from the shelf and handed it to Tony cuts through Steve’s heart. It also reminds him of his plan. So he pulls away and sits back down. He doesn’t bring up the ball. Tony has every right to keep a baby toy he wants his baby to play with.

“Tony, could you please sit down for a minute?”

Tony sits next to Steve, cups his face and turns it gently until they are facing each other. Steve is balling his hands into fists again.

“I am a horrible omega. I am too big and too tall and it’s not even easy for you to make love to me. I have panic attacks and wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I am not gentle or soft and I have no idea how to properly take care of you. You know the real omega style. I am just wrong. I am the wrong omega for you.”

Steve’s cheeks are burning with shame and pain. Tony looks horrified and for an insane second Steve wonders if he has actually took his own heart out and is holding it out to Tony.

“Steve, no one can say one of these horrible things about you and live a second after that, except for you. You are stretching my patience though. Don’t. Just don’t.”

Tony’s eyes are sad. He lowers his hands from Steve’s face, very slowly, and his hands brush over Steve’s neck and chest until they reach Steve’s right hand.

Steve can absolutely feel what is coming next so he only has a few minutes to say everything, but he doesn’t really want to. He wants to wait for Tony to kiss his tense fingers and open them up one by one. He wants to wait even more until he does the same to Steve’s left hand.  
He can’t though. It’s not fair to Tony.

“Listen Tony. I think… you should have a baby. It’s your right. I know how much you want to have one. I think .. If I can’t have a baby it doesn’t mean you should not have a baby."  
This must be the hardest thing he has ever said, and he is failing to get it out right. The pressure is building up in his chest and his hands are all sweaty. He probably also smells like the distressed messy omega that he is and he hates himself for it.

Tony is still holding his right hand in both of his. He doesn't look disgusted from the mess Steve is at the moment. He just looks worried.  
"Steve, honey, you are not making any sense. Yes, I would love to have a baby, and so do you. We are having a bit of a problem but we have talked about it before right? We keep trying until it happens. Or we look at other options. Frankly I have no idea what you're trying to tell me here."

Steve takes a deep breath. Perfect. He has now made Tony upset and he can smell the anxious alpha off him  
"Tony, what I'm trying to say is … I think you should have a baby even though I apparently can't have one. At least in the near future. I think...I think…" He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath." I think you should get bonded again"

Tony's expression turns hard. He lets go of Steve's hand and Steve's fingers suddenly feel cold and numb. Steve cannot see Tony's face as Tony walks toward the floor to ceiling windows. He can only watch Tony from behind as he stands by the window with his back hunched a little, running his hand up and down his sides.  
Tony is now upset and Steve’s inner omega voice is screaming at him. All he wants to do is run to Tony and wrap his arms around him. He even imagines kneeling at Tony’s side and holding on to his foot begging for forgiveness. He shakes his head to push that thought away. Tony will never let him do that anyway.

“Steve, you have said a lot of crazy shit over the years but let me tell you that this, this by far is the craziest shit ever.”  
Tony turns back to Steve and the hard expression is gone from his face. Steve’s heart aches from the sight, because all that is left in Tony’s eyes is hurt.

“Bond again? What the hell, Steve? What on earth are you thinking?”

Steve doesn't know exactly. He is thinking that he is horribly wrong because his body is not able to do this thing, the one thing that it is meant to be doing. He is thinking that it’s wrong to deny Tony of what he is meant to have. The most important reason Tony has bonded with Steve. The most important thing an omega could give his alpha. He is thinking that he is wrong and Tony is not. He is not good enough for Tony. He is just wrong.

“The only thing you could be thinking … so what, you don’t want to be my omega any more? Is that what you are trying to tell me here, Steve?”

Tony leans back against the window and tilts his head as he looks straight into Steve’s eyes. He is not being characteristically sarcastic. He is fucking serious.

Steve feels funny for a second. Then he feels sick in his stomach and his head starts to spin. Irritating Tony was not part of the plan. Steve takes a deep breath. He presses his forehead to his palms, closes his eyes and hopes for the spinning and the nausea to ease off.

“Of course not Tony. You really have to ask that? I never … ever … would want to not be your omega.” He finally lifts his head and looks at Tony. “You know that.”

Tony is still watching him rather carefully, as if he is actually thinking about Steve’s answer and how truthful it is. That hurts. That really really hurts.

“Do I, Steve? I thought I did know that, but then you pull shit like this. You keep the Dr.’s appointment from me and come back home with _you should get bonded again?_ Honestly does not look that promising.”

Tony’s words are bitter and sharp. They cut through Steve’s skin and somehow sting his heart as if his heart is not in enough pain already. He has a plan and he is _trying_ but even super soldiers have a limit. He drops his hands to his sides, ducks his head and tears run down his face. He opens his mouth to say something, to explain himself and to make Tony understand, but the knot in his throat seems to have clogged his airway. Even breathing is now complicated.

His plan is apparently a shitty plan. Steve can’t even manage to do that right. He has never felt this wrong in his life.

Then out of nowhere, Tony is nearby. Steve can hear him breathe and he can smell his scent, which is not angry or bitter anymore. It’s just deeply and utterly sad.  
Tony’s hands brush over Steve’s face and fingers hold up his chin. Other fingers wipe the tears away. Then both hands cup his face and warm lips gently touch his forehead.

Steve opens his eyes and the way Tony's throat is so close to Steve's eyes as he still presses his lips to Steve's forehead is overwhelming. The mixed scent of wood and coconut sinks into Steve's nose and warmth flows from his chest down to his hands and the tip of his toes.

Tony kisses Steve's forehead again. Then he trails down the imaginary line connecting Steve's hair to his mouth and leaves small kisses along the way. Tony's lips reach Steve's and his eyes hold Steve’s gaze.

Steve leans forward a little and presses his lips to Tony's. He kisses Tony passionately, hands wrapped around Tony and pulling him further in as if that's physically possible.

Ok. Fuck the plan.

***

"I'm sorry, babe. I got angry and made you feel worse than you already did. You are clearly very upset and I should have been there with you and I should have been there _for_ you, but ... well I fucked up anyway. I'm a stupid alpha."

Tony is holding Steve's hands. He has kissed each tense finger and the palms over and over again. His touch, his words and his overwhelming scent have washed over Steve, are still washing over him. He feels like he is lying on his back in a lazy river after running on a hot summer afternoon. The dull pain of being incomplete and not what he could've been is still there, but it's somewhere deep and inaccessible. On the surface it's all Tony, and the stream of his words and his touches.

"You are not too tall, and you are gentle more than enough. You know I love you being taller than me right? I love it when I can bury my face in your chest. I love the feeling of being covered by you, being safe with you. I adore the fact that you are too strong for delicate objects. I'm happy to give you a list of all the things you do to me with those ridiculously strong hands that take my breath away. "

Steve shifts a little to move closer to Tony. He lays his head on Tony's shoulder and looks at his ridiculously strong hands in Tony's; the idea of the things he can do to Tony to take his breath away brings a smile to his lips. He then presses his nose to Tony's neck and the roughness of Tony's stubble sends tingles down his spine.

"Panic attacks? Is that supposed to be a downside? I mean sure, they are horrible and I hate them because they hurt you, but you count them as your weakness? That’s funny to be honest.”  
Tony brings one hand up and caresses Steve’s hair. His fingers are gentle like always and Steve can almost feel the way every stroke takes a piece of his humiliation away.

“I think of them as your badge of honor, Steve. They are a sign of your sacrifice. They remind me that you have fought for the people, that you have been through so much for the people. They are proof that you are a real hero; that you’ve once died to save the world and you will do it again in a heartbeat.”

Tony’s strokes are now more firm. He presses his palm to Steve’s temple and Steve’s eyes fall shut from the sensation.

“You know how to take care of me love. You know so damn well. You know how much I love to put my head on your lap while you are watching TV? You know how I always want you to play with my hair or rub my neck? That’s what’s been keeping me sane these past years, Steve. Your touch is my miracle. I brush my face against your sweatpants smelling your happy sweet omega scent as you run your beautiful fingers over my cheek and I’m taken care of. You make me calm, and I can see and smell that I make you calm too. That’s the proper omega way, Steve. That’s the only care I want from you. Ever.”

Steve closes his eyes. He has been feeling very heavy recently. It feels as if with every failed treatment and every negative test, he has swallowed a small piece of lead. Tony’s words, however, are making him less weighty. His gentle touch and intoxicating scent is surrounding Steve, sweeping him off his feet and taking him along like gentle waves of a calm sea.

"I don't know if it's the serum, or the ice, or being sick early on or whatever. I've looked, Steve. I've tried. I researched a lot on possible complications, and I'm sorry and it sucks, but I don't have an answer either. But you know what? I don't care. I actually love all those things if it makes sense. I love them so dearly because _those_ made _this_ possible. Whatever dark and twisted shit the universe had in the bag for you, I take them happily. Because you are here. With me. In my arms. My Omega. MINE."  
And that does something to Steve. Tony saying that, that Steve is HIS, hits the right spot. The solid pain that has been spread throughout his veins starts to melt, and now it's just something gooey moving around. It's still sticky and unpleasant but it's not dominant anymore.

_Mine. Mine. Mine._

“What if it were me?”  
Steve lifts his head and looks at Tony, not quite sure if he is getting the question.

“What if the palladium had fucked up my sperm? What would you think, Steve? Would you think I am less of an alpha because of that? What if I came to you today, all hurt and upset, and said that _you should bond again?_”  
Steve is startled. He is horrified. His body reacts to the words before his brain can process what Tony is trying to say; it feels like being submerged in ice and almost freezing, before his brain catches up with the irony of looking at himself in the mirror and seeing a blurry picture.

It’s ridiculous. It’s the craziest shit above all the crazy shit ever. There is no chance in hell that Steve would let Tony go for _that. _For anything really, but especially not _that. _

Steve wraps his hands around Tony and pulls him in, until Tony’s body is splayed over his. He looks into Tony’s eyes and there must be something different in Steve’s gaze because Tony’s eyes are not sad anymore.  
“OK. OK. I get it. I’m sorry, that turned out all wrong, but what I am trying to say is you don’t have to …”

Tony rolls his eyes.  
“God, do you ever look at yourself in the mirror, Steve? You know that you are beautiful, right? Every single alpha who lays eyes on you feels the urge to somehow perk their chest and be flirty. It happens every single time. No one really cares about your living alpha standing right next to you because, hello, I don’t exactly seem to be the type of alpha who can deter the other ones by just existing. I have to take many deep breaths to stop myself from attacking those stupid bastards because, well, I don’t want to kill half of New York's population. Steve, please tell me that my efforts at being an open-minded twenty-first century alpha is not giving you the wrong idea. Do you want me to start killing people when they flirt with you? Will that finally make you certain that you are _the ultimate omega _for me? How many, Steve? 5? 10? 100? How many will it take for you to finally realize how much I want you?”

“Tony, you are being a little ridiculous here.”

Tony smiles and maybe it's the fact that Tony's eyes are happy for the first time that afternoon or the mental image of Tony, preferably in his Iron Man suit, beating the hell out of Rumlow (well ok, killing the bastard so Steve would never see his sleazy eyes again), but a cozy heat starts spreading from low in his belly. He is suddenly warm and fuzzy all over his chest and all the way to the back of his neck.

"Oh, you like that? Oh my god, Steve, you really like that."

Steve must be blushing because Tony's hold that has been protective and comforting suddenly becomes possessive. He digs his fingers into Steve's shoulders and his body is now pressing hard against Steve's, holding him down.

"Captain Steve Rogers everyone, my kinky omega. He fancies his alpha beating the shit out of other alphas for him. Well, you never let that on, did you?" Tony's eyes are darker now. Steve can smell a hint of smoke mixed with coconut and raw wood and he is probably blushing all over. Even the back of his hands are warm and fuzzy.

"You are turned on." Tony chuckles. "You are totally turned on."

Steve rolls his eyes. "No. I am not."

"You are. Here, let me show you."  
Tony smiles. His face is now glowing with joy, as if he has discovered a very precious piece of information. He then kisses Steve's lips and it's quick but certain. He kisses Steve's chin, his throat and his adam's apple. He unbuttons the first button on Steve's shirt and kisses the collar bones and the hollow in between.  
He unbuttons the shirt further and kisses the exposed skin before continuing down to unbutton and kiss again as his fingers dig firmly into Steve's sides.

Steve closes his eyes and lays his head against the back of the couch. For a short dark moment he thinks about his plan and the possibility of losing Tony, but just then Tony's kisses pass his waistline and his hands grab Steve’s belt buckle.

He can't think anymore. He brings his hands forward and pushes his fingers through Tony’s hair before being lost completely in Tony's scent, his kisses and his touch.

Tony's voice is rough and breathless.  
"Told you, beautiful. I could smell it from up there, but here… fuck, just look at this. It’s sweet. So so so sweet.”

***

Steve wakes up as the mattress shifts but he does not open his eyes. Tender hands run through his hair and warm lips peck a kiss on his forehead. He hears the water running in the shower and the humming sound means that Tony is still nearby. He rolls across the bed to Tony’s side; it is still warm and covered with Tony’s coconut, wood and smoke scent. Steve presses his nose to Tony’s pillows and breathes.

Steve must have fallen asleep again because the next thing he feels is Tony’s words breathed in his ear before the bedroom door opens with a soft click.

He finally opens his eyes, and wishes he had seen Tony before he left. Tony is probably still in the elevator -- he said he will just be in the workshop all afternoon -- but Steve misses him anyway.  
The weight from earlier is not pressing on his heart and he can breathe now. The dull stickiness is still present under his skin, but it’s ok. Steve can deal with that now. Or at least he can try. Tony will be there, with his charming words and gentle touch and endless string of praises, and Steve could sit in Tony's embrace for a lifetime. He can sit still and try to believe.  
He will never believe it completely, but he won't be alone trying.

***

Tony is not in the penthouse, but a plate of peanut butter sandwiches and cut apples is waiting for Steve on the kitchen counter.  
The idea of his alpha, who never has time to eat and goes without food for hours, or days if Steve does not intervene, spending the time to put this together makes him shiver slightly.

And it is not just Tony knowing that Steve would be hungry.  
It’s a gesture, an offering, a reassurance that thrills through him and pushes the vague pain further and further away with every bite.

The toy is still on the kitchen counter in the exact same spot. Steve reaches over to grab the ball and stops when he sees the red folder with his name on it, clearly in Tony’s handwriting. It must have been there all along because the ball is not moved an inch. Steve’s not sure how he had missed the distinctive red under the blue and green.

He leans over to look inside the folder, absentmindedly grabs the ball and shakes it. It might be the jingling sound of the ball or the big brown eyes and toothless smile of the baby in the photo, but Steve is suddenly overwhelmed with a rush of protective omega instincts. All he wants to do in the world is to somehow hold that baby and feel that hairless head on his chest.  
The next paper is an adoption profile. The round eyed, toothless baby’s name is Peter and he has been living in custody of New York Office of Children and Family Services most of the 6 months since he has been born in August.

The last page is a note from Tony. Steve runs his fingers over the words and keeps them on Tony’s initials as he reads the note over and over again.

_I met Peter at an OCFS facility tour, part of mom’s charity program, and he stole my heart with the first toothless smile. He waved at me and he clapped his hands, which according to the carer is all 5 month olds can do, so he was basically showing me all his good qualities. I mean they are all perfect and I want to take them all home. But this little guy, it feels like he really wants to come home to us._  
_I know we are trying and you are going through hell to make this happen, but maybe it is not supposed to be that hard._  
_Maybe this is the answer. _  
_Think about it and we will talk when you want to talk._  
_I love you._  
_-TS_

Steve is standing at a distance from his body and his mind. The shame of not being good enough is still somewhere out there, but not inside Steve. He feels wrapped up in the overwhelming feeling of little Peter’s imaginary baby smell. He wants to pick him up, hold him in his arms and spend the rest of his life just like that. It’s heady. It’s intoxicating. He is in love. He feels … right.

And maybe that is the answer. Maybe that is why all of this has happened. It has to be for a reason, if Steve _fails_ to do what every omega can do without blinking, some without even realizing.

Maybe he has not failed. Maybe he has just been looking in the wrong place.

This might be what was supposed to happen from the beginning. This is not wrong. He is not wrong. It’s just different.

Steve takes the photo out of the folder and rubs his nose against the baby’s. He then holds on to the edge of the counter waiting for the dizziness to subside.

He steps into the elevator with the folded photo in his pocket, and his fingers holding the photo, just to be sure.

He needs to talk to Tony.  
Now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving this a try and I hope you enjoyed it.  
I will continue to write in this Superfamily ABO AU series and try to create some fluffy happy stuff. Feel free to send me prompst on my [ Tumblr! ](https://avengersnewb.tumblr.com/)


End file.
